Slacker Method for Writing Long B.S. Papers and Business Plans

Posted by Jacques - February 22, 2009

notebooks Writing can sometimes be a chore if it’s something you’re forced into doing. Whether we’re writing a business plan or an essay, we sometimes have to dress up an idea with lots of words in order to make people feel at ease with what we’re saying.

Here are a few tips for overcoming writer’s block, length, and a host of other problems slackers often face in having to provide more information than necessary.

1. Start with an outline and break out your ideas.
Sometimes we have things to say, but it’s just a matter of not knowing how much detail we need to meet the desired length of content. Intro-Body-Conclusion is a good standard. Then break down from there. For example, the body section can be broken down into your key points. The key points can be broken down into sentences, and the sentences can be elaborated upon. Using the power of exponential growth (or pyramid schemes) you’ll have a mountain of words in no time.

2. Qualify every noun, verb, and even other qualifiers.
You could say. “Jayne hated Bob for doing that.” or you could say “At that time it was apparent and evident that Jayne held a great contempt and even more seriously, an irreparable distrust of Bob for the decisions he consciously made with knowledge of the impact it would have on her.” I still don’t know why Jayne hated Bob, but it makes it seem like I do by offering what appears to be more information.

3. Use formatting tricks.
There are so many formatting tricks I don’t even know where to begin. Some fonts are slightly fatter, so as to appear the same size but actually take up more space. Margins are adjustable. If you’re familiar with word, you can also slightly increase the space between the lines, as well as the space between the letters. Breaking your sentences into more paragraphs will also enhance any of these measures. Be subtle and hold back. Double-spacing is a huge give away that you’re performing these tricks.

4. When appropriate, use relevant pictures and illustrations.
Don’t stick it right in the middle with space all around it. Wrap the text around it to make it look more relevant to what you’re writing. See how I integrate the pictures into all my blog posts. My posts look longer with it looking like I’m trying to make it look longer. Black and white illustrations are the best because they pop out less as a picture.

5. Build quotes, “selectively into your text.”
Again, not obviously, but pepper your article with quotes and references. This will lend more credibility to what you’re saying and at the same time, give you more length.

6. Paraphrase by memory.
Read something, then wait a few minutes, then write it out in your own words as if you’re trying to explain it to someone else. Like a game of telephone, it won’t be exactly the way you read it if you do it right, but at the same time, it won’t take long to incorporate someone elses content into your work. Don’t forget to reference the source however in the footnotes.

Just so we’re clear, I’m against plagiarism. I know slackers need to take short cuts and that’s perfectly okay, but it can be done without cheating and stealing.

Thanks for reading!

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